My Dearest Idiot, This is your Ego. picture credit & copyright: Ryan Jorgensen.

My Dearest Idiot, This Is Your Ego

By Wendy ford

Response From An Ego to Its Idiot.  This is an open letter from my ego in response to last October’s Article “I Lie Daily” that explored how and possible reasons why we all lie to ourselves daily and to last month’s article “This Is Your Captain Listening” that explored ego and personality responsiveness to directions from Self.

My Dearest Idiot

Ahem!  Okay I have had just about enough from all of this Superconscious, Self-conscious, Subconscious, Self, awareness, discovery and honesty rhetoric that is being paid so much attention.  It is about time I had my say.  So, through the temporarily hijacked fingers of the author, here I go.

Do you have any idea just how long it has taken, how hard I have worked and all of the energy I have needed to grab, use and misdirect in order for Me to develop and hone the barriers and limitations you are trying to disrupt and expand?  Sheesh.  It is getting harder and harder for Me to keep you, My Idiot, firmly anchored in this mundane physical dimension.

Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me.  Dr Strickler is teaching, you are listening and learning, and you are being supported by those around you who are also involved in all of this; how to ferret out where I have sealed off these vast pools of energy for My use, and are learning to free them up for redirection.  My carefully stored rememberings are being discovered, examined and taken apart only to be identified as MISrememberings.  My seals and vaults containing your emotional responses are being breached and those precious responses are gradually being deemed erroneous and are being altered by examination and poking and prodding.  My fears, oh how I despise that term, are being ferreted out, examined and criticized.  My beliefs and interpretations are actually being questioned and some have been found to be erroneous or wrong.

You seem to be forgetting the most important of details…. I am in charge and wait.. What?  I am WRONG?

WRONG??  Oh, no.  I actually used the W word.  What is going on here?  I can’t possibly be wrong about anything.  You, My Idiot just need to keep automatically going about your business.  This Busybody Self has no place in interfering with how deftly I have arranged everything to keep My Idiot in blissful ignorance and totally immersed in this physical mundane paradise.  If I allow this Self to start mucking about My Idiot might just have instances of starting to be aware and that will never do.  No, no, no.  Absolutely not.

Ignorance is what I protect and if I let awareness and mindfulness start to occur that will lead to questioning and that will lead to the ability to question and examine and that will lead to knowledge and that will lead to discovery and expansion or breaking down of carefully constructed barriers and limitations and that will lead to truth.  That will never do.

Then there is this big emphasis over the past several years on fear.  I now will admit you, My Idiot,  you, are wearing me down in this area.  Oh I know Dr Strickler has been working on this for over 23 years with you but I really didn’t listen up until the past 5 or 6.  You have no right to go digging around and flashing your lights looking in this direction but you are becoming so persistent I am running out of ways to ignore or redirect you.

Fears are my means of controlling you, My Idiot.

Fear of Failure:  if you don’t try you will never fail and if you never fail you will never learn, grow or expand your awareness.  It is only through the trial and error of action or inaction and experience that you first come to discover a boundary or limitation.  Once the boundary or limitation is discovered I need to get My Idiot to choose not to push further.

Fear of Change:  why does My Idiot fear change?  Change might just require the admission that you (we) have been wrong.  I make sure you just cannot even entertain the possibility of being wrong about anything, ever; even when written or recorded records exist to prove what was said or done contradicts what you state.

Fear of Exposure:  not wishing to have others figure out how truly ignorant or incapable you are My Idiot is a natural response from Me, ego—the response of self-preservation.  Not wishing to lose face or stature among your peers in the work setting, not wishing to expose your vulnerabilities to an enemy or our loved one is understandable, and there is certainly no reason to go digging around in my/your internal world to find anything.

You, My Idiot are seriously rocking the boat here and I do not like it.  All this awareness stuff is getting to be quite annoying.

If you, My Idiot become aware and start to de-densify, start to become less immersed in this mundane physical existence and know that there is something other than Me in charge then what will I do?  What will be my job?  What will happen to me?

Hmmm.  I started out on a rampage asserting my importance and being really offended and ticked off at you, My Idiot, but I realize I am asking some questions here.  That’s new, Me asking questions; Me feeling threatened.  Instead of just digging in my heels and holding my ground I am having a wondering about an alternative.  Imagine that.

Maybe you, My Idiot, are on to something.  Maybe I need to ask My Idiot for advice or even worse, maybe I need to cooperate with My Idiot.  That is going to be hard to swallow but I am sensing some changes and maybe I need to stop and listen.

I am being told by you, My Idiot, that this Self is really the One in charge.  Something rings familiar and true about that but I can’t remember it being any other way.  Those pretty pictures you are always looking at (Tarot Keys) seem to stir me in ways that are so familiar yet forgotten.  I seem to be having remembrances about a time long ago when it was different and I didn’t feel responsible for everything.  Maybe all really is not as it appears. Maybe things can be different.  Maybe I have taken on more burden than I needed to.  Oh good grief, I am starting to sound a bit like you, My Idiot.

Upon careful examination I am coming to realize some of the changes are actually starting to relieve me of some the energy I have been expending.  Oh dear, now I am starting to even question and examine myself in some areas.  Self, what are you doing to Me and My Idiot?  It seems I can hear your somehow familiar voice in the distance and My Idiot is starting to respond and this seems to be having an effect on me.  Now that is a new concept; I can be effected by something other than Me.  Well now this has captured my attention and could be interesting.

Be aware I am not accustomed to change nor being questioned or examined.  Discomfort is not my forte, but it seems Self appears to actually be getting my attention and starting to experience some results.  I will stop complaining.  For now.  I also just realized I have exposed myself right out in front of God and everyone.  Sheesh.  The things I do for you My Idiot.

I now return control of your fingers back to you.  Carry on My Idiot.

Wendy Fordwendy's icon

 

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Wendy Ford

Born and raised in the Cleveland, Ohio area. Has lived in Newport News Virginia, Dayton Ohio, Owensboro Kentucky, Ft Lauderdale Florida and currently residing in the Phoenix Arizona area. Professional Life: practicing Physical Therapist for over 40 years specializing in geriatrics in the home care setting. Successful thus far of surviving within the ever changing healthcare and delivery systems. Personal Life: married for 39 years to someone who has accepted the faults, foibles, “idiotsyncrocies” of this individual and is patient and tolerant of the successes, failures and changes. Someone who is not threated by the continued seeking of knowledge and experiences leading to growth and discovery of who and what I truly am. A welcome life partner. Spiritual Life: has been a student of Rev. Dr. David Strickler for over 22 years. Initially my petition be a distance-learning student and for the past 13 years granted the privilege of direct participation in his ongoing revelations, teaching and guidance. A student who is blessed to be permitted to accompany my Teacher and mentor Dr. Strickler on The Path and so very blessed that The Life Power has seen fit to permit me to participate. To Ask, To Seek, To Knock.

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