Spiritual Climate Newsletter MAY 2006 Part 1 THE BALANCE OF THOUGHT, by Adam Crosthwaite



The Balance of Thought

By Adam Crosthwaite


I have come to notice something about people as I expand my awareness in this world, people don’t know how to think!  I am starting my third year in my “internship as an adept” with Dr. Stickler and I have barely come to grips with the fact that I have a long way to go before I can claim mastery over my own thoughts!  Every time he asks me what I think I feel myself cringe.  A voice in my mind says, “What do you mean think?  He is still learning how to think”.  Then I scramble to process the information to present it in some tangible fashion.  I bite my tongue in order to with hold the very comment in my mind from vibrating out into the physical world.  I offer the response, “I can tell you what I see…” knowing full well that part of the time I mistranslate the pictures that present themselves to me. 


Since we are usually in the car during these exchanges I find myself pausing to catch a slight smile from him out of the corner my eye.  The sure sign of acknowledgement that he knows that I know that he knows that took way to long for me to respond.  Two years and my ego still has not caught on that it can’t hide behind a steering wheel.  It is at these times I feel like a gyroscope whirling across the room out of control.  Usually it helps to recall some of the revelations Dr. Strickler has used to guide me with in our past dialogs.


The revelatory process of watching may grant elucidations to a mind that understands the energies in motion within a given space.  Watching people in the world reminds me of a gyroscope at times.  I see David and Dianne holding fast to an intense center of balance like a gyroscope spinning at its maximum speed.  It stands poised and vibrating at a rate that keeps it tightly aligned on its axis.  Never stagnate always in motion the gyroscope stays on the axis and can travel along a path without losing velocity or balance.  It takes a long time to learn and master the techniques to maintain such a velocity especially in this world.   And needless to say it takes a tremendous amount of focus and balance of thought to maintain this delicate form of equilibration with the storm of horizontal pressures ravaging the physical plane of existence.  


Gyroscopes are interesting little creations.  A sphere within a sphere, one wheel in the center supported by an axel reaching from above to below; the gyroscope is the perfect metaphor for the operation of Spirit and Soul through Consciousness in the physical plane.  The initiation of motion by pulling the string is much like the exercises and tasks given to the student by a Spiritual master.  The task in this case is to make contact with the Subconscious, likened to the threading of the string into the axel, then to draw the momentum out of the core of the Subconscious into the Self-conscious.  This would be like pulling the string. The spinning of the disc attached to the axel could be seen as Self-conscious action in the field of operation created by the two spheres.  I am not the inertia of the axle’s motion that keeps the instrument in balance.  Rather it is the disc connected to the axel that supports the balance by its rotation around through the space created by the surrounding spheres. Now I SEE why Dr. Strickler uses the metaphor of the gyroscope with his students.


I see myself, at the times when I am able to step out of my fixated perception and see with out bias, as an off balanced gyro. It is at this point that my field of operation is open to the process of thinking with the application of questions.  That is the proper questioning of the internal as well as external variables in this equation of balancing thought and motion. 


I watch the alternating position of the gyro with its slight tilt on the axis it struggles to keep speed.  Slowly it starts to osculate from one side to the other as it searches for balance. Many times we find ourselves searching for a balance in our lives as we move from one polarity of negative or positive to the other and then back again. 


At times it may seem that people bump into the barriers that exist on the periphery of our field of operation.  Although the boundaries may be non physical at times the friction of colliding energies is felt through out the conscious mind in operation at that moment.  Here we find the limitations of our knowledge as we struggle top gain the momentum we lost with that first contact with the barrier. 


Now stop scathing your head for a moment and let me explain how this is possible.  Time!  Is time not a nonphysical barrier we find ourselves colliding with on a continual basis? As the constraints of time approach dose not the twinge of panic grow into a full spasm?  It would be the equivalent of the night before the final paper, a trap I personally have been caught in far too many times to count.  The negative aspect of time, as in the lack of activity in my space before the encroaching deadline collides with the positive aspect of time, being the finished product from activity taking place. This has been a constant and frustrating barrier for me along my path for quite some time now. The consequences of this friction are easy to see, another B on my transcripts instead of an A.  Or even worse, a public record of my work which fails to reflect the true potential I could be presenting if only the positive energy of my space was applied correctly.


The lack of foresight or rather the inability to think clearly and accurately is what leads to these collisions of energy.  The art of thinking is ever growing in clarity as Dr. Strickler teaches that thoughts are nothing more than energy in motion.  This tends to shed a new light on thinking. 


In my experiences with overcoming my personal issues with the help and guidance of my mentor, David, I have found that the right questions have a way of pulling the right string so to speak.  It never seizes to amaze me how David knows what question to ask to motivate a person.  I can be sitting there in his living room talking about a personal issue I may be struggling with at the time.  Than a question is asked, “Why did you do that?” or, “What are you going to do?”  One question leading to another the tension builds like a string being wrapped around a cylinder or rather an axle.  Suddenly the answer comes poring out like a string being yanked sending thoughts out into motion spiraling into action in the physical world.        


As I catch myself in the spasm that signals the lack of balance in my space I have found that remembering that thoughts are energy in motion refocuses the picture so I can see more clearly.  Once I understand what I see the process of organizing thoughts becomes much more fluidic.  


Perhaps it would do us all well to remember that energy in motion never dies.  It never goes away.  Rather it transforms into another form of energy or is redirected.  An example of this can be seen in the verbal cortex of the human brain.  Once a child reaches the age of seven the verbal cortex starts to mature.  As a child increases in verbal acuity the brain starts pruning unused portions of the surrounding cortex.  This interaction of negative and positive energy allows the brain to balance its self out in the stages prior to puberty. 


What an amazing feat if one could reach into this Subconscious process and draw it forth into their Self-conscious field of operation for working through and within boundaries.  What if we can all balance our selves by learning to think as clearly as our Super-conscious Self?  Well that would have to be a later article seeing how the Sub-conscious is the beginning of our link into Super-consciousness, you know the two rings on the outer parts of the gyroscope that I haven’t mentioned much until now.


Not every one is as blessed to have a teacher to show them how to pull their own strings.  Not everyone is willing to admit they haven’t the faintest clue on how to think clearly without barriers.  And while some barriers may be useful and at times necessary, the mind is one place were barriers can be a hindrance.


With guidance and great patience hopefully we all someday be will be able to pull our own strings as suavely and with great ingenuity as Dr. Strickler and Dianne.  It is within us all to think in clear and balanced terms.  It is when the barriers of thought slow us down that we get in the way of our selves.


Until the seeing of thought is clear and balanced we will continue to watch the world osculate in and out of chaos.  The pendulum like motion gives the illusion of the spiraling out of control.  Take for example the Earth.  If it were to move 90 degrees on its axis to the opposite 45 degree angle it would appear to circle its self as it vacillates around to its opposite side.  The spiral motion we experience in our personal vortex of expression in this plane is also expressed in the world as things seem to change over night from bad to worse and than gradually back to the opposite end of the spectrum.  It will only change if the right questions are heard in order to facilitate an honest and balanced train of thought.  Only then will an equilibrated mind function and maintain an order of balance both in our own personal expressions and as a society.   


So what do I mean by knowing how to think? 


Tell me what it is you can see first, and then we can talk…   



Adam Crosthwaite



you know you want to do it:

Spiritual Climate Newsletter APRIL 2006 Part 1 NAVIGATING A SEA OF INVISIBLE HANDS, by Adam Crosthwaite





By Adam Crosthwaite


I started a new profession as a Case Manager with a large company that manages and provides services to the Severely Mental Ill (SMI) community here in January.  I told my friends from my last job were I was going they called me crazy.  Most of them snickered and remarked, “Out of the frying pan and into the fire hey?”  Others simply wished me well and said good luck.


In my first three days I witnessed and assisted in three crises involving clients as I trained under other Case Managers and Clinical Liaisons.  I had spent more time with the Mentally Ill in one week than most people would in a life time.  As I watch these people struggling to make sense of a world which I myself understand very little about, and at times wonder why I would even care to, one common denominator presents its self.  Never in my life have I ever seen a group of people more concerned about not harming any one than these people.  Mind you I only have one year of professional experience with the SMI community and I am referring to people who have received treatment and are in on going recovery, even though the most recent of my encounters have been crises interventions in the homes of these people and in public places.


You can tell a lot about a person by the way they interact with or, as in most cases, react to others.  You can learn some very interesting things about a person’s thought process when they are faced with someone experiencing mental illness. 26.4% of the U.S. population suffers from mental health issues and mental illness according to Harvard Medical Mental Health Studies held in 2004, as you may recall from previous writings from Dr. Strickler, and we see some interesting interactions between people.  (Resource: Study: Mental Illnesses Are Under-Treated By Lindsey Tanner AP Medical Writer )


Just the other day I was standing with one of my supervisors at a local pharmacy with one of our clients.  This client was experiencing one of the unfortunate set backs with the new Medicaid Part D.  As we attempted to work with the pharmacy manager to provide this individual with their insulin a line begun to form.  As the client signed for the prescription and stated his name repeatedly a man in line snickered and begun to giggle.  If you can imagine, me six feet two inches with a 325lb. frame, and my supervisor, six feet five inches with a 215lb. frame, slowly turning and glare back at him you wouldn’t need to guess what we were thinking simultaneously as that arrogant little twit melted in front of all those people in line behind him. 


As awareness grows in this country of oversights and mistakes here sits one glaringly obvious issue staring us all in the face and we have yet to hear new voices out side if the mental health community question the powers that be on the topic of this growing crises.  It is abundantly clear that as a general rule people tend to avoid that which makes them uncomfortable but this is ridiculous. 


America is considered a world power.  She is regarded as rich and powerful, unfortunately we lead the world in Mental illness and which dose not seem to be a major concern to people until they are forced to face this issue ether on the streets with a total stranger or lord forbid, a loved one has a crises and is in need of treatment.  It is disgusting to see the level of dissociation (Resource:  Wikipedia, Dissociation) in this country regarding mental health.  Most first hand accounts of those who are diagnosed with mental illness report isolation from family and friends.  In fact most of the support these people receive comes from people in the mental health field, case management and therapists.  What’s more appalling is the level of ignorance which is growing to ridiculous heights as time progresses in all areas of awareness, not just in the mental health field.  In the past ten years the rate of mental disorders has increased from 1 in 5 from 1999 to over 1 in 4 in 2005 in this country.  It would appear that the “NOT IN MY BACK YARD” mantra is failing the mass mind as the general public seeks further isolation to spend more time in fantasyland. 


When was the last time you heard about new programs to assist with Severe Mental Illness in your neck of the woods?  Aside from the drug companies cramming pills and injections into the hands of CONSUMERS, not too many people care to associate with mental disorders.  Unfortunately the coping mechanisms used by the general public to deal with reality are multiplying the difficulty level for those who have to fight through coping mechanisms just to find reality.  Once again the cliché “NOT IN MY BACK YARD” ripples through the thoughts of people every where. There is a fine line between coping and avoidance and it is time for people need to grow the hell up and learn to deal with issues.  In the case of SMI one of the hardest obstacles is to decipher what is reality.  Here we are in a world with potentially prosperous individuals with so much to offer who are struggling to make sense of an insane world.  AND THEY ARE THE ONES WITH DIAGNOSIS OF SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS!  Still they put more effort into one day of survival than most people would put into a week of living.


The fine art of living is gradually giving way to the con-game of avoidance.  As is in the case of the ignorance, with the occasional glare, these people live through every day.  Added to the mix is the feeding frenzy of marketing.  With the inundation of subliminal advertising feeding into this narcosis, which by the way any one with a shred of intelligence could see how you either need to be extremely greedy and harbor resentment for other humans or at the very least have ulterior motives for controlling the emotional responses of the general public in order to authorize such a blatant misuse of knowledge, it is no wonder that we are witnessing an increase in diagnosis.  Oh I forgot, most people are avoiding that subject.  Perhaps a more accurate statement would be: those who chose to investigate are witnessing this trend of domination through emotional manipulation.  It comes as no surprise that we are seeing more diagnosis of mental illness.  And the silent hum of avoidance echoing forth from the offices of our government may shed a silent light on the possible culprits!  You can almost feel the invisible hands pushing, pulling and manipulating the minds all around the world.  


We walk through a sea of invisible hands pushing and pulling at our minds and emotions every minute of every day.  Some of these hands reach us by sounds and visions by the various agencies of marketing manipulation.  Stress levels are higher than ever and the increasing rates of mental as well as emotional breakdowns are catching up to, and in some cases devouring, people everywhere.  Now keep that thought with you for a moment and take yourself to your worst day ever.  Pull in your worst fears, saddest moments and feeling of complete lack of control.  You are on the edge of reality scratching for a point to ground yourself back to the real world.  Welcome to the world of SMI.


Hold this in you mind a few minutes more.  Are you feeling a little nervous?  Imagine you are walking down a busy street.  Cars whizzing by and people staring at you as your body twitches uncontrollably because of side effects you experience from the medication the government was so happy to provide free of charge.  Perhaps you forgot where you are or where you are going.  You are alone and still a voice screams in your ears.  Someone passes by you and they speed up their steeps to distance themselves from you.  How dose it feel to be avoided due to something beyond your control.  Not because of your ethnicity, social class or any other affiliation.  You are avoided because people don’t want to cope with the thought of your existence. 


Sound harsh?  Welcome to the world of SMI.


All it takes is one brief encounter with a warm gesture, perhaps something as simple as a smile or a wave, to keep the invisible hands from pushing you completely over the edge into a full blown psychotic episode.  Still no one seems to care.  As hard as it is to interact with people in this life, not through profit driven interfacing technology but real face to face interaction, imagine the feeling of bring ignored save for moments of fearful reactions from other people.  Imagine being locked up so your family members can feel safe.  Even if it means you can’t go to the restroom with out an orderly watching to make sure you don’t do anything CRAZY!


There are people who live this way twenty four hours a day.  Yet they still brave the streets driven by the hope of spending even one brief moment in reality.  Brings a new meaning to the line: Home of the brave, doesn’t it?  Our society has fallen so far that mental imprisonment is now accepted as a way of life.  Now question, for yourself, is this truly the land of the free?


It takes very little to become one of these people.  A simple bump on the head, witnessing a horrific accident on the way home or any other traumatic experience which may or may not occur as early as tomorrow morning to you or a loved one is all it would take to put any one in those shoes.  Will you be the one sitting in a support group for Mental Illness this time next year?  Or will you still be hiding your eyes from the faces of the brave individuals who deal with this issue not just today but every day for the rest of their lives?


There are plenty of hands pushing people up to the edges of cliffs in this world.  Be the hand that pulls them back, not the one that pushes them over.  The eyes of justice may be blind according to some statue in front of the court house.  But keep in mind, perception is NOT reality.  Things have a way of catching up to people.  Reach for understanding as I have learned to by experiences in my journey through the wilderness of this screwball world.  Some of the greatest fears in this world hold the most precious jewels of knowledge and understanding.  There is to many people in this world that get over looked and so often they are the ones holding keys that can only be obtained by the way of experience.  This has been one of the most difficult lessons I have come to learn in my journey.  Perhaps someday someone will find a cure for the damaged psyches spawning from the manipulations of those who wish to abuse and misuse the knowledge uncovered by the greatest minds of our species.  Till than we should all be conscientious of our interactions with those around us and stop ignoring the lives of those who could be enriching our own. 


It has been four months now that I have had the privilege to serve these people.  You should see the tears in their eyes when I ask them what I can do to help them make it through the day.  I have found the blessings of serving those that are truly in need.


We will never find a cure for this world.  Yet the cure for ambiguity is obtainable for those who dare reach for the knowledge of the masters.



Adam Crosthwaite



you know you want to do it:

Spiritual Climate Newsletter MARCH 2006 part 1 HOBBLED by IGNORANCE by Adam Crosthwaite



Hobbled by Ignorance

By Adam Crosthwaite


How do you explain what it is like to stand in middle of mountain valley surrounded by a blizzard to a mind that has no concept of a cool summer breeze?  This has been the contrast my mind has struggled to comprehend in the past few months as I find myself tripping over my own feet along a seemingly unfamiliar path.  As one month passes into another a new landscape of awareness unfolds revealing secrets that were once held captive by an ignorant mind.  Still each new view tells me more about my own ignorance than the last as the layers of deceit are torn away allowing a purer light shine into my world. 


The emotive forces of the soul have tossed me into realms which at first seemed to be new; the light is slowly let in to a view as revelation lends a new perception on the same old story.  My path has spiraled once again and I find myself facing a new level of challenges.  The difference this time is that I have an awareness about me which maps out a portion of the arena where I once stood toe to toe with myself before.  The rules haven’t changed much, this time around, yet I am strangely aware of a handicap I never noticed before.  Last time I was here I believed I would make it and I did.  This time I know I can make it, but the intemperate voice echoing somewhere from the egoic side of my mind has ridiculed my actions and hobbled my steps as it has been trained to do by the self conscious actions of an intemperate mind. 


“This is ridiculous.  It should never take this long to get anywhere.  Let’s try it my way.”   As our diversion from the path quickens, the pace putting time and space between goals and intention, the hobble seems to disappear.  “See how much better it is this way?”  The voice sounds sweet and caring, until the attention is turned back to the path from which I strayed, “NO NO this is the way.  What is wrong with you?  You can’t do anything right can you?  You see that is why we need each other!  We will do better this way.”  Suddenly the hobble returns as the pace is redirected back toward the path from which I strayed.  Each step is more strenuous as I struggle to distance myself from the nagging distractions I have cunningly placed in my path to guide me away from my inner path. 


This is a mild example of the field on which the inner battles of Armageddon take place.  I have chosen to save some of my darker battles for future writings as I have shared some from my first experiences on the inner path in past writings.  As Dr. Strickler illustrates for his students time and again, each level takes time to adjust to even for a Master.  As I move along this path I find myself repeating those levels where details were missed.  You would be amazed at how many times you can repeat a mistake until a lesson is learned.  The contrast of each level may be as different as the lake effect blizzards David and the rest of the crew from meditation class have described to me and the great wall of a dust storm screaming toward Phoenix in early summer, late spring here in the desert.  Yet just like the Rocky mountain blizzards I enjoyed getting lost in with my dad as a little kid and the winter storms rolling across Lake Michigan swallowing the rush hour commuters, each experience shares a common denominator.  The challenge comes when the common denominators are pit falls and blind spots overlooked by the traveler.


Some of the simplest answers have been unveiled by treading on unsteady and at times dangerous ground.  It is hard to imagine the depths of ones own darkness.  Unfortunately it can not be revealed merely by words.  You have to experience the darkness in order to map out the terrain aided by the light which beams forth from within as it is borrowed from the source.  But you can’t even borrow a light without first clearing away the rubble left behind from the countless encounters with your own ignorance.  Be it in the plastic maze of illusion that one creates out of fear or the deep pit dug to hide the ugly little bits we try so desperately to forget, everyone finds themselves believing they are alone in the darkness.  An interesting concept once you consider the hidden pitfall cloaked by the very word TRY, which by its very meaning it implies failure.  So try as you might to hide you will fail as the skills retained in your subconscious mind respond in exact proportion to the words used in every day communication by people who TRY to cling to their ignorance.  Such an obvious revelation once you see it,  yet it takes one who has mastered the many levels and acquired the necessary patience to guide others, such as my Spiritual Mentor Dr. Strickler, to show the way even when it seems to be screaming in your face, “THIS WAY!”


It is also interesting how the illusion of isolation is so predominate when people are faced with themselves.  I remember the feeling of isolation for the first few months after my separation from my wife a year and a half ago.  This bizarre feeling of knowing you are not alone and not physically seeing any one still catches me by surprise from time to time.  Perhaps I would do well to remember how long it has taken for me to recognize myself, even within the small extent that I have so far, once I started getting to know myself instead of my television or another person to occupy my space so I could maintain my inner ignorance.  It is exceedingly difficult to recognize the real you when you are a total stranger to yourself and not just a polished reflection created in the image and likeness of, as some would say, God. 


How could any one even claim to know themselves if they can not even recognize the subtle response from their physical body as it experiences the surge of energy emitted from the nonphysical as they slander themselves with this egoic sentiment? 


This I have felt many times as I opened my mouth without processing my thoughts clearly through the mind I have been retraining with the guidance of my Spiritual Mentor Rev. Dr. David Strickler.  It is as difficult to understand how people can willingly chose ignorance, especially as it is an unnatural state of human consciousness.  The contrast of truth has clearly not yet dawned for these poor individuals.  The mental incarceration of ignorance is quite childish from the view point of those whom embarked on a revelatory journey along the inner path and yet I still see myself as an incarcerated child from time to time.  Perhaps it is the love I learned to recognize along the path that enables the emancipation process to unfold.  I slowly pry open the make shift cell of ignorance which requires at times pain, but I continue to pry.  I have come to understand the nature of love as something alien to those portions of my being still captive in the miniature prisons I created at many levels.  I have seen how one must first tread through the gate of one’s own hatred to acquire the gift of love. 


One of the things I have been taught by my Mentor is that when we attempt to hit a target and miss we still have another attempt.  You can miss the bull’s eye until you run out of arrows, but each attempt that brought you closer to the goal has built a ladder so you can still climb and reach the mark.  You can stand there all day trying to hit the mark.  You will never succeed if all you do is try.  The difference is he who attempts never tries to fail. 



Adam Crosthwaite


you know you want to do it:

Spiritual Climate Newsletter DECEMBER 2005 Part 2 HIDDEN TREASURES By Adam Crosthwaite


By Adam Crosthwaite


Christmas Eve 1997 was the most beautiful night I can recall from my life in Denver Colorado.  It was a Christmas Eve without all the fancy fringe luxuries of an upscale holiday party.  I had just turned eighteen at the time and I could venture out past curfew without fear of authority, so I hopped on a bus and went downtown for an evening.  It was my first night out in the city alone.  As I stepped off the bus in front of the court house I looked up and saw an electric castle.  It sat there proud and glorious, an island of lights in a dreary sea of darkness.  I shook my head as I thought about all the families with small children who had to forego a Christmas tree and lights so they could afford to heat their homes that winter.  I was already in pretty negative mood that night.  It was two weeks after I was thrown out of my parent’s house and I was living with my sister.  The next day we were going to my mom’s for Christmas, I was not looking forward to the event.  But I knew they all loved me regardless of my reckless attitude at the time.  Silently I slipped down a side street and headed for the popular hangouts where I used to meet with friends.  I don’t recall the time, however the streets were empty.  What a feeling, not a person in sight.  There was the contrast of emptiness in the streets that I remember as crowded with all sorts of people. 


The only people out that night, other than the occasional police patrol which was about three hours overdue, were the homeless.  They were huddled in the usual spot behind the court house on the southwest corner of the block.   As I turned the corner I was greeted by the soft hum of a gentlemanly conversation.  I came upon a small group of men standing watch over the rest of the people as they lay sleeping across the exhaust vents behind the court house boiler room.  They were a rough looking trio with the rasp of street life in their tone, yet they spoke with such sincere respect for one another you would never know they were living on the streets by the tone of conversation.  As I approached the vents on the corner I was invited into the group; me, the passing stranger from a seemingly far away land, was included in this fellowship of strangers.  No one asked me my name or even how I found them, I was merely welcome and from that point on I was feeling better.  It is almost as if they could sense I needed something, something I was not going to find on my own.  There in the darkness I found a place I never knew could exist in this world.


We sat for hours watching over rows of sleeping men and women huddled close in perfect alignment across the ventilation shafts blowing warmth from the courthouse basement.  Young and old lay side by side peaceful and safe as the trio stood with their new companion gently conversing by moon light.  I could not begin to describe the feelings that flooded my young mind at that moment.  We watched the moon play hide and seek with the clouds between skyscrapers as we waited for nothing special.  There was much conversation although I fail to recall anything said that night.  For the first time my young mind was allowing a moment to unfold without intrusion.  I can not recall any words that were spoken.  All I remember is the genuine and sincere people I was honored by with this simple gesture.  These people were not judgmental, nor demanding of one another.  They simply meant what they said and enjoyed the company they were in.  I was aware that this was a rare moment to be a part of and I longed for the night to last just a few hours more.  Few moments in my life, with the exception of my experiences in Qabalistic Ministry, have been as genuine as the night I was a stranger in this exotic underworld.


As I reflect back at this moment, especially around this time of the year, I wonder why people don’t see life the same way as my companions did.   Reverend Strickler discussed the difference between value and regard during a Tuesday night gathering for meditation.  He handed me a dictionary, you know the kind you would use to kill a New York cockroach with, and had me look up both words.  The first one I read out loud was value. 


As I read, I noticed that there was no reference to regard.  Value is nothing more than a term used for measurement of inanimate objects or services.  After a further research, conducted via internet, I learned that the term value was quote “supposedly borrowed from the language of painting” as a meaning of social principle around the year 1918.  Personally I see a red flag here and I assure you I will be looking further into this overuse of poetic license which confused society.  Value has nothing to do with measuring the worth of a person.  That is unless you are a member of the big business regime and people are a commodity. 


The next word was regard.  I couldn’t help but notice how value was not mentioned.  Regard referenced to holding something in esteem, respect not value.  So why is it that an important word as regard is being replaced by a consumerist term such as value? 


Ironic isn’t it, how those who hold no value in the eyes of society hold life in such high regard?  These were people without the luxury of a bed, let alone a roof over their head and still saw more in life than a mere pay off or opportunity for personal gain.  They didn’t measure life by values or any other known form you may learn about in any school or business.  They had no use for measurements utilized by the everyday businessman or woman.  When they looked at life they saw no measurable value. They saw life and they regarded life as precious.  It was the moment that mattered because that was all they had.  It is also the very thing that separated them from the rest of the world.  I never heard a homeless man or woman use the word regard in a sentence.  But I watched them express its meaning in their world as they interacted with one another.


Like a true artist, Reverend Strickler had shown me a new perspective and a clearer perception to adjust to after learning about the misuse of the term value.  To me value is a term, regard is a word.  I still value things, many things.  I have to use measurements every day.  But I hold in regard the use of words and the power that is held in the proper use as well as the misuse of words.


For a group of people who had little material possessions, these men sure did know what they were doing.  I would later learn that many of them chose to live on the streets and lived quite well considering they had no house to live in.  They would work just enough to eat and to maintain themselves for a while.  They never regarded work as a way of life.  These people seemed more real to me than the corporate executives I would meet at my parent’s work places. 


As I reflect now back to that moment I see more than just a trio of carefree men enjoying a winter night.  I see a world where someone in this life has the courage to live the meaning of regard.  This season we are facing a new form of homelessness.  There are people out there in the cold with children who lost their homes in one natural disaster or another.  As these people are seen to, remember those who share their blankets with them, the ones who keep watch through the night so they may sleep safely.  Although you may not feel comfortable doing so, stop and say hello to one or two of them.  They won’t value anything you give them.  They will hold you and your actions in regard.  Besides, you never know it but someday you may see them watching your back making sure you are okay.


I carry with me a gift in my mind from that night, a gift I now refer to as my own personal hidden treasure. Sometimes when I feel like there is no where to find peace to temporarily calm the raging ocean in my mind I remember that sight and for a moment I find my mind slows down and allows the moment to unfold as it should.  To this day I have the images in my mind of that night; someday I may have to draw these moments.  Perhaps the picture that engaged an unused portion of my mind or rather heart could do some good for others as well.


I have one wish to share this Christmas.  I wish we could all regard each other, even if only long enough to make that magickal connection by stopping to say, “Hello, Merry Christmas”.



Adam Crosthwaite




you know you want to do it:

Spiritual Climate Newsletter SEPT 2005 part 2 THE WATCHERS by Adam Crosthwaite


by Adam Crosthwaite


A young student once asked his master, “How do you fight without attacking?”  The master turned to his young pupil with a warm smile, “You watch”.  I have walked among ignorant minds thriving on darkness never seeking light or truth.  I am merely 25 years of age. I have spent the last year regenerating my mind which I chose to rip apart with hate.  I have only begun to live with a sober mind while helping to raise my six month old daughter.  I find my self watching, caught between frustration and sadness as the world slips further into apathy.  Why is it that I can see these things with what I consider to be my limited capacity while others who seem to be intelligent enough to see as well continue to be blind to this sickening process? 


I watch people claiming to be spiritual individuals herded like cattle to the slaughter houses by fundamentalists who wage war in pursuit of power and influence.  I have had the experience of watching governments take from the citizens of the nations they were “elected” by and turn around to offer empty apologies to victims who were not safe from dangers as they were lead to believe, because the budget was down sized in order to divert funds into pet projects to serve special interests; actions which cut short much needed infrastructure and left a door open for the people to receive a devastating blow.  When the warning came years in advance that the levees would not handle the force of a level five hurricane they shrugged their shoulders as they walked to the bank.  Money is more important than lives in the world of back door politics. 


Unfortunately like any national emergency the worst of the fallout has only just begun.  As the refugees are forced from the lives they built in Louisiana, they will require assistance with housing, food, healthcare, jobs and child care.  No problem, the system that is in place along with a few adjustments here and there will make sure these people will not go without. 


The problem exists on the unbalanced side of the equation.  While the victims are slowly being taken care of, single mothers whom have been on waiting lists for assistance will be waiting almost twice as long now.  Unfortunately for them they will lose time from work because childcare, which has already been paid for in most cases via taxes while they were able to work, is unavailable due to an overly stressed budget.  These are single mothers working part time because the full time child care needed for even as short a time as six months is unavailable to them due to redirected funds that have gone toward pet projects some corporation negotiated over a game golf at the local country club. 


Now the need is increased exponentially and the system that was originally failing is beginning to fall in on itself.  This doesn’t include the thousands of single mothers who are struggling through college with student loans in order to pull out of the hole they found themselves in.  These are hard working intelligent people who raise families while striving to build a future that effects not just themselves but the world in which they seek to better.  They know what is going on and have some very interesting ideas and plans for change.  Sadly, fewer graduate each year as the snares of a corrupt system lead to debt and further need for a cleaner more reformed system; a need that will go unattended with the current sate of affairs.


As the struggle over power rages on in the uppermost levels of this so called society, the effects are felt rippling through the lower tiers until it reaches the streets.  Be it with the hunger for survival or simply the need to rise by any means necessary, leading to power hungry personalities, the crime will sore and the corruption will spread further.  History once again will repeat the same formula of corruption and those that look to the system for guidance will act as the system has taught them to:  the rule of do as I say, not as I do will not apply to this generation.  Look around you, it has already begun.  It has been cycling down through layers of time for as long as there has been hunger amongst people.  


More and more people every day claim the world is soon going to end.  They are right in that statement, but only to the point of something will soon come to an end.  As they rationalize the behaviors they take part in people fail to honor the truths they attempt to bury in the foul waste produced by their apathy.  The end of silence among the suffering is coming.  There are vast numbers of human beings whom have chosen not to voice out loud the details of the life they struggle through.  The screaming will not be of those who have endured.  The screaming will be of a new victim.  For the children of the suffering will not forget and will never forgive the tears that mom shed when she could not feed her children. 


How long will people do nothing more than watch the devastation and silently consent to extermination of lower classes in this country?  I said extermination because why else would a government knowingly take such a risk with such a high number of lives?  If the information is witheld or even denied as some people have been lead to believe then what else are we to do but expect the worst of our so called leaders?  If press conferences are staged and people are arrested for speaking their minds we might as well raise a swastika above the White House and march in the streets with locked knees.  How dare ANY government redirect funds away from programs that are implemented to protect the lives and welfare of all citizens in this Nation. 


Which leads to more questions:  What the hell would someone like this be hiding up their sleeve if they are counting on the fact that everyone else will simply smile and nod as the Big Business of Government takes and then lies about it?   Are they putting something in the water supply?  Is there more than just good old fashioned food supply demands behind genetically altered foods?  Is there some kind of subliminal mind rape occurring in the mainstream media?  What the hell is it that makes people think minds are easily controlled by one group in order to fulfill the needs of the elite?  All that is required to detect a problem is to WATCH the pattern unfold through the fabric of the predigested reality that is being force fed into the minds of the general public.


IS this just some kind of half witted rambling from a 25 year old male who is angry with what he sees going on in the daily affairs of many?


Is this article a repeat of August?  Perhaps it is.  Maybe perhaps it is nothing more than a big neon sign screaming in the darkness to those who have yet to wake up.  Who dares to question those that seek to hide facts and pocket funds?  Or is that too harsh of a statement?  Will I be the next to spend the night in jail for telling my government they are wrong?  I cannot offer any quick fix solutions to this problem.  All I can do is watch and question the actions I see before me.  It is the sounding of the challenging voice that shreds the veils of deceit. 


There was a time in my life when this saved my ass and perhaps it is a starting point for those who are lost in the cesspool of backdoor politics.  I was living on the streets for a time when one night an old friend of mind suddenly appeared on a street corner in downtown Denver.  She was distraught and I could tell she was in a bad spot so I went to her.  As it turned out a group of people she ran into had stolen her pager and were planning on doing something with her.  She was scared and desperate.  With out hesitation I demanded they all cough up the pager and back down immediately.  As they circled around me I realized they had me out numbered ten to one.  No problem!  I simply shouted at the top of my voice for all the world to hear, “Leave her alone NOW!” By the time the last syllables of my statement echoed down the alley every person within a block of our location was staring waiting for the first punch to be thrown.  All I could do was grin like an idiot as they quietly returned the pager and disappeared down the street. 


I actually believed she would learn from this situation leading to wiser choices and yet she is still cornering herself as she falls prey to manipulation from internal as well as external influences.  I am astounded by the hardheaded ignorance of this person whom I considered a friend.  I have stumbled over this riddle in my mind through the years whenever I think of that night on the street corner.  As I watch this world with new eyes I stand at the bottom of the ladder looking up through the political food chain at the powers of the state and political street punks who are bullying children and families on the streets of the big bad city with the stench of their well dressed, one sided policies.  It seems likely to me that the time of playing ‘possum is over.  I have seen the egos at play as they make meat puppets of men and women.  It is time to expose those who trample the freedoms gifted to people by birth.  Those who chose the path of manipulation work best in secret, they are powerless when exposed.  It is the time for mouths to open and questions to be voiced.  The time of silent suffering is over.


What would happen if people stood up that way with witnesses in front of the world and demanded the truth?  You should have seen the looks on the faces of that group of assholes in the alley that night!  I dream of the day our so called leaders encounter such a voice.


Not a day goes by that I don’t wish there is more I can do.  I cry every time I hold my daughter as I think of those mothers and fathers that lost that connection that one fateful day.  What I have watched unfold in the course of the last months as I questioned what I was watching has lead to so many more questions.  My words offer little if any encouragement to those who have suffered.  Then again it would perhaps serve to encourage those in power to act openly and honestly as we move on to rebuild the worlds ripped apart due to the weakness of apathy.  No government should ever settle for good enough when lives are at stake.  I write in the hope of lending my voice to the light as it seeks to unveil truths that I have cloaked in the shadows of misperceptions I have entertained in my life.


For future reference: if you are truly sorry for not providing for those whom you are responsible to, and not just because you got caught off guard by a natural disaster which exposed your ugly truths, then get your hand out of the damn cookie jar.  STOP TAKING WHAT IS NOT YOURS!


May the watchers of tomorrow use the truths that emerge from the questions of today.


Adam Crosthwaite


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